Brokedown Prison
by Carbuncle
Summary: Aeris and Yuffie head off to Wutai on vacation to celebrate their graduation from college. However, their holiday turns into a nightmare when they are arrested.


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
Brokedown Prison  
  
(Open to Midgar. A crowd of students have gathered outside Midgar County College. It is graduation day)  
Hojo: ...and may I be the first to congratulate you all on your fine progress this year. Well done all of you; you all have wonderful futures to look forward to... (the students cheer) ...except for Casey, of course. Sorry Casey. (a shot of the teenager, Casey, teary eyed) So, if the rest of you would like to come up and collect your diplomas. (the students begin to form a line on the stage, one by one; Yuffie and Aeris are among them)  
Yuffie: All right! I can't believe we graduated!  
Aeris: Yes, I told you it'd be a worthwhile experience to enrol at college, didn't I?  
Yuffie: Uh... no. My dad forced me to enrol. You were just the person who helped me with my homework once in a while.  
Aeris: ...yes, well. (shakes hands with Professor Hojo)  
Hojo: Congratulations, student. (gives Aeris her diploma)  
Aeris: Thank you, Professor. (leaves the stage)  
Hojo: (shakes hands with Yuffie) Congratulations, student. (gives Yuffie her diploma)  
Yuffie: Thanks, old man. (leaves the stage)  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven. Cloud, Tifa, Barrett, Red XIII, Cid, Aeris and Yuffie are there. They each have a drink in their hands)  
Tifa: ...so let's all raise our glasses to Aeris and Yuffie for their successful graduation!  
Yuffie: Yeah, yeah, thanks you guys. Much appreciated.  
Cid: I've never known anyone who's graduated from college before. Except for that really intelligent chocobo.  
  
(Cut to Midgar County College. A chocobo is up on stage with Hojo. He hands the chocobo a diploma)  
Hojo: Congratulations Boko. You did well.  
Chocobo: (arrogant; English accent) Of course I did well. I just hope this puts an end to all that "chocobos have brains the size of peanuts" rubbish.  
  
(Cut back to 7th Heaven)  
Cloud: I guess now you girls'll be able to look down on us like you're better than we are, huh?  
Aeris: What do you mean, Cloud?  
Cloud. ...I'm just jealous.  
Aeris: There's no reason why you couldn't graduate, Cloud. You should give it a try.  
Cloud: I don't feel like it. I'm better off a nobody.  
Yuffie: Shut up, you spikey headed uneducated jerk!  
Cloud: ...  
Yuffie: Hey Aeris, I just had an idea.  
Aeris: Go on.  
Yuffie: How 'bout we take a few days off and go on vacation to celebrate our graduation?  
Aeris: I don't know, Yuffie. Vacations with you can be... well, let's just say they're always a little different.  
Yuffie: Look, we have to celebrate somehow!  
Aeris: Yeah, but... a vacation? Can we afford one?  
Yuffie: Sure we can... Cloud, you remember that 10,000 gil you owe me?  
Cloud: You want it now?  
Yuffie: Well, duh! (Cloud gives her the money) Aeris, whaddya say to a week in the Costa del Sol?  
Aeris: Wow... sun, sea, sand, and the other word that begins with S...  
Cloud: Sex?  
Aeris: No... (clicks her fingers) ...surfboards!  
  
(Cut to Junon. Aeris and Yuffie, with their packed bags, are in the airport)  
Aeris: I must say, I'm a bit nervous about travelling on planes, you know, after the recent 'accidents' that've happened around the world...  
Yuffie: Chill out, man! You worry too much!  
Loudspeaker: All passengers for Flight Two Zero Two: Junon to the Costa del Sol, please prepare for departure.  
Aeris: That's us, Yuffie.  
Yuffie: Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Me thinks it's not.  
Aeris: What the heck do you mean?  
Yuffie: Wake up, Aeris. We're not goin' to the Costa del Sol.  
Aeris: Wha? But I thought...  
Yuffie: Nyuk nyuk nyuk! That was just a little white lie for those no-brainers back in Midgar! We're actually goin' to Wutai!  
Aeris: ...why?  
Yuffie: Think about it: free accommodation at my house, cheap booze at the Turtles Paradise, and best of all, all those Wutain comforts I miss sooo much... like my kitty.  
Aeris: I never knew you had a kitty.  
Yuffie: You didn't know 'cause I didn't tell anyone, ya dumb broad! (composes herself) I'm-I'm sorry, that was out of order. Someone's been ridin' my corpuscle lately.  
  
(Cut to inside Yuffie's bloodstream. Vivi, from FFIX, rides on top of a corpuscle as it floats downstream)  
Vivi: Woo--this is great fun!  
  
(Cut back to Junon)  
Yuffie: Listen, we're gonna have a great time in Wutai. It'll be much better than lyin' on the beach, gettin' sunburnt and ogled by sad losers with no lives, right?  
Aeris: I... I guess so.  
Yuffie: All right then. I've made my point. (pause) Geez, where is that plane?!  
  
(Cut to Carbuncle at his computer)  
Carbuncle: Hmm... damn, damn, damn! I've drawn a blank! What the hell should I write next?! (looks over at the TV)  
  
(Cut to the TV screen. My "Family Guy" DVD is on)  
Peter: Hey Stewie, I see your bum.  
Stewie: Oh, take a good look, fat man! And while you're at it take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you wretched, filthy pervert!  
  
(Cut back to Carbuncle at his computer)  
Carbuncle: ...I can't put that in the fic. I sure am hungry right about now. Oh well, back to the story.  
  
(Cut to Wutai. Aeris and Yuffie arrive with their suitcases)  
Yuffie: Finally! C'mon Aeris, let's go and unpack! Then we can down a few cocktails at the Turtles Paradise for six or seven hours.  
  
(Cut to the Turtles Paradise. Aeris and Yuffie walk in and sit at the bar)  
Yuffie: Two of your finest cocktails, barkeep! (the bartender hands them their drinks) Thanks!  
Aeris: Ooh... pink!  
Yuffie: Try it. It's sweet.  
Aeris: (takes a sip) Mmm... not bad. Not bad at all. (downs the whole drink) Barkeep, another one of these cocktails, please!  
Yuffie: Careful now, Aeris. Those things are pretty strong, believe me.  
Aeris: Lighten up, Yuffie! We're on vacation!  
Yuffie: Hell yeah! You're right! (drinks her cocktail) I'll have the same again too, barkeep!  
Bartender: -Alcoholic hussies!-  
Aeris: Wow! People her speak Wutain! I'll be damned! (a handsome guy enters the bar)  
Guy: -I'll have a beer please, barkeep.-  
Bartender: -You are impressing no one.-  
Aeris: Hee hee! Hey Yuffie, check out that cute guy who's just walked in!  
Yuffie: Huh? (looks at the guy) Oh yeah! Pretty hunky!  
Aeris: Hee hee! I dare you to... to ask him to join us!  
Yuffie: No way! You ask him!  
Aeris: Hee hee! No, you!  
Yuffie: No! (laughs)  
Guy: Are you ladies okay?  
Yuffie: (laughs) Ladies! (laughs)  
Guy: (nervous laugh) What's so funny?  
Aeris: Oh, ignore my friend. She's totally wasted.  
Yuffie: I am not! (giggles)  
Guy: ...okay.  
Aeris: Would you like to join us?  
Guy: Sure! Why not? (sits next to them) So, are you ladies from 'round here?  
Aeris: No, we're here on vacation.  
Yuffie: Speak for yourself. I actually live here, but I spend most of the time out of town.  
Guy: I see. Oh, I'm sorry, we haven't been properly introduced yet. (sticks out his hand) I'm Hal Rogers.  
Aeris: I'm Aeris Gainsborough, and this is Yuffie Kisaragi.  
Hal: Nice to meet you, ladies.  
Aeris: Do you live here too, Mr. Rogers?  
Hal: No. I'm from North Corel. I'm just here on a little business trip. Oh, and call me Hal.  
Aeris: Okay... Hal. Hee hee!  
Hal: Heh... yeah.  
Aeris: I couldn't help notice that you speak Wutain.  
Hal: I speak several different languages. You have to when you're in my line of work.  
Yuffie: Oh, how interestin'... (takes another sip of her cocktail)  
Aeris: Don't mind her. She wouldn't even be impressed if you were the President of Midgar! Besides, the only languages she can speak are English and Garbage.  
Yuffie: (angry) Hey! Don't listen to her, Hal. I can be a lot of fun, if you know what I mean. (winks)  
Hal: Mmm... I don't doubt that for a second, Miss Kisaragi. (a few hours later, Aeris and Yuffie are both totally wasted; Hal gets up from the bar)  
Aeris: What's the matter, Hal? Had enough already?  
Yuffie: Yeah, it's only (checks her watch) 11:30pm. The hell's up with you?  
Hal: Actually, uh, Aeris... I wondered if I may have a word in private?  
Yuffie: ???  
Aeris: S-Sure. (gets up) You touch my drink and you die, Yuffie. (walks over to the corner with Hal) What's up?  
Hal: Aeris, uh, I just wondered if... uh, would you like to, I mean, how about you and I... uh, I'm sorry. Can I start again?  
Aeris: Hal, I'd love to come back to your hotel for the night and be your fine sweet ass bitch.  
Hal: Huh?!  
Aeris: Well, that's what you were trying to ask me, right?  
Hal: I'd planned to be a little more subtle, but yeah, near enough. (pause) Shall we go then?  
Aeris: I'll just let Yuffie know. Wait a sec. (walks over to Yuffie) Yuffie?  
Yuffie: Yeah?  
Aeris: Hal's asked me to spend the night with him and, um, I've said yes.  
Yuffie: Oh, oh!  
Aeris: You don't mind, do you?  
Yuffie: Mind?! Of course I don't mind! Yo-You go right ahead! Do-Don't you worry about li'l ol' me! I'll be fine on my own!  
Aeris: Really? Are you sure? I wouldn't wanna leave you in the lurch.  
Yuffie: Trust me! I'll be okay here! You just go and have some fun! We-We can drink until 2:00am tomorrow night instead!  
Aeris: Thank you, Yuffie. You're a true friend. Don't wait up! Hee hee! (leaves)  
Yuffie: Yeah... see ya, Aeris. (pause) Goddamn, why'd he choose her?! I'm twice the hot babe she is! Grrr... another cocktail, barkeep, and make it quick - I'm pissed!  
  
(Cut to Yuffie's house, the next day. Yuffie wakes up and rubs her head)  
Yuffie: Ugh... I'll never drink that much again... (gets out of bed and walks into the kitchen) Ugh... (takes some tablets from the cupboard and gets a glass of water, which she then drinks) Ah, that oughta do the trick... (Aeris walks in)  
Aeris: Good morning, Yuffie!  
Yuffie: Aeris... how was your night?  
Aeris: Oh it was amazing! We played Twister until 4:00am and then Hal showed me his collection of butterflies! It was the best night ever!  
Yuffie: I'm happy to hear that. You'll be pleased to know that my night revolved around heavy drinkin' and frequent visits to the bathroom.  
Aeris: We both had a good night?! Oh, that's wonderful!  
Yuffie: So, what d'you wanna do today?  
Aeris: I don't know. I've always wanted to hike up the Da-Chao mountain. We could take some sandwiches up and have a picnic.  
Yuffie: I dunno, Aeris. That's the stuff couples usually do. I don't want people thinkin' we're, y'know, lesbians. (the doorbell rings) I'll get it. (answers the door; it's Hal) Oh, it's you.  
Hal: Huffie, wasn't it?  
Yuffie: It's Yuffie!  
Hal: Heh, yeah, such a lovely name.  
Yuffie: How did you know where I lived?  
Hal: I looked up your address in the phone book. I knew you wouldn't mind.  
Yuffie: Well actually I-  
Aeris: (walks out of the kitchen) Hal! Great to see you again!  
Hal: Hello Aeris. I see you got back okay. You were pretty drunk last night, you know.  
Aeris: Hee hee! I know! I'm sorry, I'm don't usually drink like that.  
Hal: Don't apologise. Everyone needs to unwind sometime.  
Yuffie: Uh, sorry to butt in on the conversation, Hal, but what do you want?  
Hal: I've come to say my goodbyes.  
Yuffie: (sarcastically) Aw, that's such a shame!  
Aeris: Oh no! Why?  
Hal: I have to make a quick trip to the Gold Saucer. A contact of mine is staying at the Ghost Hotel. It... It can't be helped, I'm afraid.  
Aeris: Aw... I'm gonna miss you. We-We only just got to know each other too.  
Hal: This is kind of out of the blue, but how would you two ladies like to come with me?  
Aeris: What?  
Yuffie: What?!  
Hal: C'mon, whaddya say? It'd be an experience of a lifetime! You ladies'd have a ball, I'm sure!  
Aeris: What do you think, Yuffie?  
Yuffie: Aeris, this was supposed to be OUR vacation. We came here to celebrate OUR graduation, remember?  
Aeris: I know, but...  
Yuffie: If we wanted to spend our holiday in the Gold Saucer, then we would've, right?  
Aeris: Yeah, but...  
Hal: Sorry to interrupt ladies, but, uh, I'm kind of in a hurry. My plane leaves in half an hour.  
Yuffie: Whatever.  
Hal: So, is it gonna be the Gold Saucer or Wutai?  
Aeris: Um...  
  
(Cut to the Turtles Paradise. Aeris and Yuffie are sitting at the bar)  
Aeris: ...I can't believe we chose Wutai over the Gold Saucer.  
Yuffie: I can. Barkeep, two more cocktails!  
Bartender: -Yes, coming right up, you goddamn alcoholic!-  
Yuffie: You're welcome. Gawd, I love this language. It's so beautiful. (Aeris sighs) Will you cheer up?! You're makin' the booze taste bad!  
Aeris: ...if you say so. (some policemen enter the bar)  
Cop: (to the bartender) Excuse me, but have you seen this man? (holds up a picture of Hal Rogers)  
Bartender: -Hmph! Mister No Tip! I'd recognize him from anywhere!-  
Cop #2: In English please, sir.  
Bartender: Yes, I see him. He was in here last night. He spend most of his time with those ladies over there.  
Cop: Really? Now that is interesting! (to Aeris and Yuffie) Excuse us, ladies, but have you seen this man? (holds up the photo)  
Aeris: Hey, that's Hal!  
Cop: Hal? You know him?  
Yuffie: Do we?! Man, an asshole if ever there was one! What's he done? Is he in trouble with the law?  
Cop #2: You could say that.  
Yuffie: Heh, hey Aeris! You hear that?! You slept with a criminal!  
Cop: What?!  
Aeris: Huh?  
Cop #2: Miss, I'm afraid we're gonna have to ask you some questions.  
Aeris: Oh boy...  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven. Tifa is cleaning the bar. The phone rings and she answers it)  
Tifa: Hello, 7th Heaven!  
Yuffie: (on the phone) Tifa, Tifa, it's me! Yuffie!  
Tifa: Oh, hi Yuffie! How's your vacation so far?  
  
(Cut to Midgar Penitentary Prison. Yuffie is on the phone)  
Yuffie: Well, it bites! Me and Aeris've been arrested in connection with possession of drugs!  
Tifa: (on the phone) What?! How?!  
Yuffie: I have to make this quick; I'm only allowed to talk for three minutes. The cops brought us back to Midgar Penitentary Prison. You-You have to get us out of here, Tifa.  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven)  
Tifa: Hey, hey, just slow down, Yuffie. (Barrett and Cloud walk in) What can I do? Okay, you just leave that to me. All right, I'll see you later. (puts the phone down)  
Barrett: What the #@$% is goin' on?  
Tifa: Oh! Barrett, Cloud, I have some very, very bad news!  
Cloud: Don't tell me! Aeris is dead, right?  
  
(Cut to Midgar Penitentary Prison. Cloud and Tifa walk in to the visitors room. They sit down opposite Yuffie)  
Yuffie: Tifa! Cloud! You came!  
Tifa: Yuffie, I want an explanation as to how you ended up here and I want it... NOW!  
Yuffie: Whoa! Calm down, Tifa! I can explain everything!  
Tifa: Go on then...  
Yuffie: Me and Aeris met this guy, see?  
Tifa: Uh huh...  
Yuffie: We-We thought he was totally llegit, but it turns out he's into drug dealings and illegal stuff like that. Anyway, when the cops found out we knew him, they assumed we had something to do with his dodgey lifestyle. They hauled our asses back here to Midgar and locked us up like a pair of criminals. But we're innocent, I tell ya. Innocent.  
Tifa: Have you told all this to the police?  
Yuffie: Yes!! But they won't listen to us! They just twist our words and make us seem guilty! There's no justice in this world!  
Cloud: Sounds like the cops to me...  
Tifa: I can't get my head around this. Where's Aeris?  
Yuffie: She's still in the cell. They'd only let one of us come out to talk.  
Tifa: Is she okay?  
Yuffie: She's kinda depressed, sort of bored, but other than that she's fine. Look Tifa, you have to get us out of here.  
Tifa: How?  
Yuffie: I don't know! You could start by findin' that damn Rogers guy, I suppose. If he was caught, then maybe the cop'd let us go.  
Tifa: All right. We'll do our best to track him down.  
Yuffie: You better!  
Cloud: Say Yuffie, just for arguments sake: what's gonna happen if the cops don't catch this Rogers guy? What'll happen to you and Aeris then?  
Yuffie: Well, they'll put us on trial in court and if we're found guilty, they'll chuck us in the slammer for fourty years at least. True story.  
Cloud & Tifa: Oh my God!  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven. Cloud, Barrett and Tifa are there)  
Barrett: Fourty years?! Goddamn!  
Tifa: It's terrible, Barrett. If Yuffie and Aeris went to prison, then... I don't even wanna think about it.  
Barrett: Well that settles it then! We gotta find that Rogers dude and bust his ass!  
Tifa: But how?! We have no idea where he is!  
Cloud: Yeah, all we've got is this photo that we 'borrowed' from the cops.  
Barrett: (looks at the photo) Hmm... y'know, I think I've seen this guy before.  
Tifa: You have?!  
Barrett: Yeah... but I can't think where.  
Tifa: Yuffie said he told her he was from North Corel. Perhaps you knew him from there.  
Barrett: Yeah, maybe you're right, Tifa.  
Tifa: Yuffie also told us Rogers left Wutai for the Gold Saucer on some business. If we got there now, then we might be lucky enough to find him.  
Barrett: Awright then, it's decided. Let's get our asses to the Gold Saucer. We'll find this bastard, don't ya worry.  
  
(Cut to Midgar Penitentary Prison. Aeris and Yuffie are in their cell)  
Yuffie: Damn Rogers, if I ever see that guy again I'll... I'll... I dunno, but it won't be pretty.  
Aeris: I'm sorry, Yuffie. This is all my fault.  
Yuffie: I know, but there's no point in worryin' about that now. I just hope Tifa and the others can find Rogers. If they can't... I don't even wanna think about it.  
  
(Cut to the Gold Saucer, the Ghost Hotel. Hal Rogers is there with Cait Sith)  
Cait Sith: Another job well done, Rogers. I love the smell of this stuff.  
Hal: Yes, and Loco Weed is also 100% hallucination free. Just don't take too much at once, okay? The consequences could be dire.  
Cait Sith: Hey, there's no need to preach to me! I know how to take drugs! (Cloud, Tifa and Barrett walk in)  
Hal: Well, I gotta go. I've got a lot more contacts to meet before the day's through.  
Tifa: Excuse me... Mr. Rogers?  
Hal: Yeah? Can I help you?  
Tifa: It's him!  
Barrett: Awright! Time to take out the trash!  
Hal: What the- (Barrett punches him in the face; he falls to the floor unconscious)  
  
(Cut to Midgar Penitentary Prison. Aeris has tied a rope around the ceiling. Yuffie tries to calm her down)  
Yuffie: Aeris, don't do this! Tifa and the others won't let us down! I mean, they've always pulled through for us before, right?!  
Aeris: Face it, Yuffie, they're never gonna be able to find Hal. I can't stand it here! I want out... and this is the only way! (wraps the rope around her neck and climbs onto the top bunk)  
Yuffie: Aeris, no!  
Aeris: I'm gonna do it. I'm really gonna do it.  
Yuffie: No, think of your friends! (Cloud, Tifa and a cop appear outside the cell)  
Tifa: Did someone just mention us?  
Yuffie: Tifa!  
Tifa: That's me!  
Yuffie: Wh-What's going on?  
Cloud: We caught Rogers and handed him over to the police. They're gonna let you both free.  
Yuffie: Really?!  
Cop: Yeah, Rogers confessed to everything. (unlocks the door) Naturally, we're very sorry for the, uh, (coughs) mistake.  
Yuffie: Yeah, well, just don't let it happen again, buddy! C'mon Aeris, let's blow this joint.  
Aeris: All right! Whoa- (slips off the top bunk and strangles herself) -ack!  
Cloud: Well that was obviously gonna happen.  
  
(Cut to the electric chair. Hal Rogers is strapped in)  
Hal: Don't I at least get to call my lawyer?!  
Cop: Aw, don't worry. You'll be seeing lots of lawyers where you're going, pal - hell. (pulls the lever; Rogers is electrocuted to death) You like that doncha, bitch?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END__________  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Next week: Guess Who's Comin' to Visit...  
  
Cloud: You guys... uh, I have some bad news.  
Tifa: What?  
Barrett: Ya didn't wet the bed again, did ya?  
Cloud: No, I keep tellin' you I'm over that now!  
Tifa: Then what is it?  
Cloud: It's my obnoxious cousin Cloud. He's in town, and, uh, he wants to come over to spend some quality time with his favourite cousin. That's me, by the way.  
Barrett: Ya never mentioned your cousin before.  
Aeris: Yeah, where's he springed from?  
Cloud: Is it that important?!  
  
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